


The noble sport of bare bum sledding

by Alice_vs_Wonderland



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Bare bum sledding, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fun, M/M, Magic, Sledding, Winter, Yup that's a tag I just created
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 16:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11971302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_vs_Wonderland/pseuds/Alice_vs_Wonderland
Summary: Tumblr request. Jack is finally teaching bare bum sledding to the Vikings on Berk. Set in the 'There's Always More' universe.





	The noble sport of bare bum sledding

The world around them was muted and soft, gleaming snow stretching across the hills. The only blinks of color to be seen were the tall pine trees; dark green branches bending under the weight of thick pillows of snow.

The sigh Hiccup let out reminded him a tired parent, one who had heard their kid insist for the tenth time, that they would be a knight someday. It was an amusing blend of fondness and exhaustion, shown in the furrow between Hiccup’s eyebrows and the twitch of his lips. Their boots sunk into the snow with satisfying crunches as they passed a river, silver and frozen in time.

“This is a horrible idea. I’ve said that countless times,” Hiccup said, staring straight ahead. It almost seemed like he was talking to himself rather than Jack. Like he was trying to convince himself to call this whole thing off. Jack smiled, and he was sure it was one of those smiles Hiccup called his “devil smiles”. No one, not even the Chief, was calling this off. Not if Jack had anything to say about it.

He and Hiccup were heading towards the biggest hill on Berk, closely followed by Frostbite, Toothless and Baby Tooth. The dragons were running through the snow, tongues hanging out and their breaths like streams of smoke. Before Jack got any personal experience with them, he would never have imagined, how similar dragons and dogs actually were.

“I know,” Jack said and pulled his scarf tighter around his neck, “You’re a real party pooper, Chief,” Frostbite appeared by his side with big, pleading eyes. Jack scratched him on the head, savoring how warm and rough the scales were under his fingers. Frostbite closed his eyes and let out a low rumble. As soon as Jack lifted his hand, Frostbite’s eyes flew open and he bolted after Toothless, charging through the white like a snow plow.

He and Hiccup smiled at their dragons’ playfulness. “Since when is freezing your butt off and potentially getting maimed considered a party?” Hiccup said.

“When is it not?” he said and shrugged, “Come on, Hic, you’re an adventurous person… Don’t let that rational side get the best of you.”

The sky was home to endless shades of grey swirling together, light and dark folding in grooves and bumps like the cliffs far ahead, where the dark ocean sprayed its waves against the stone. In the distance, behind the pine trees, Jack could hear the laughter and eager talking from the Vikings, who had gathered on top of the large hill.

Hiccup scoffed but it was playful. “I’m up for adventures. I’m not up for doing stupid shit with no purpose. That’s your area.”

“Well, you can just sit and stew in your envy then, while I teach the others the noble art of bare bum sledding, and you won’t be allowed to participate.”

Hiccup’s face didn’t change an inch. It was probably the least expressive Jack had ever seen it. “Oh, no, what horror,” Hiccup said, his voice monotone, “Please don’t take the joy of getting sharp things jabbed in my butt cheeks away from me.”

“Kinky,” Jack said and winked. Hiccup rolled his eyes, but bit his lip to keep a smile under control. Toothless and Frostbite came bounding towards them, turned around a tree and ran away from them again, snow spraying everywhere, as their giant, dragon paws pushed through the powder.

“So…” Jack said, enjoying the excitement that had begun to wiggle and crack inside him, “Do you think I have any chance of beating the others?”

“At non-bare-bum sledding? I don’t know,” Hiccup said, ”I’d like to say yes but… Well, you know how competitive Vikings can be.”

“Noooo,” Jack said and clutched his chest, “You guys? Competitive? That doesn’t sound right at all.”

Hiccup pushed him and Jack stumbled back a few steps. “Oh, ha ha ha, Snowflake.”

Jack waggled his eyebrows and heard the dragons’ rumbles and roars of delight somewhere behind them. He let his fingers glide over rows of bushes with thin, leafless branches and myriads of red berries that stood out in this world of white and grey. They were covered in gleaming frost and reminded him of candy. He was tempted to pop them into his mouth, crush them between his teeth, and let the crunchy, cold sweetness spread over his tongue.

He turned his attention back to Hiccup. “Well, I guess as long as I beat Snotlout and Astrid, it will be okay.”

Hiccup shrugged. “Snotlout’s not that difficult. I mean… He thinks not washing his boots for weeks gives him good luck. Astrid though… She’ll be a challenge.”

“Oh, I know,” Jack said, slowly rubbing his hands together, “But she’s going down. She’s dead meat. She’s finished. She’s history. She’s-“

“I get it, Snowball,” Hiccup said.

“I find your lack of enthusiasm disturbing.”

“Oh, no no no,” Hiccup said, like Jack had misunderstood him completely, “My fiancé and one of my best friends locked in a deadly battle? What’s not to like? I mean, if all goes well, one of you ends up dead, right?”

Jack poked him on the shoulder. “That’s the spirit,”

“Besides…” Hiccup said, “I have a bet going with Fishlegs that you’ll end up with a rock in your ass.”

Jack gasped and held his hands over his heart. “The insolence! My own fiancé doesn’t have faith in me!”

“I don’t have faith in your butt’s ability to see through snow, no.”

The trek up the tall hill was demonic, deep snow wrapping around his feet almost up to his knees, pulling at him like weights. His thigh muscles strained to keep him moving forward, and his breaths transformed from ‘I’m-relaxing-in-this-beautiful-winter-wonderland’ to ‘the-threat-of-dying-from-lack-of-oxygen-is-very-real’. He groaned, when Frostbite and Toothless ran past them, charging up the hill like it was no effort at all, bursts of white powder flying into the air. Baby Tooth, with her small Terrible Terror body, had wisely decided to fly, doing her best to keep up with the larger dragons.

“What’s the matter?” Hiccup said. He sounded like he had a grin on his face, and he wasn’t as out of breath as Jack. Little shit. Jack scowled at him, but it only made Hiccup laugh. “Snow is meant for fun times, not turning your legs to burning jelly,” he said, his words breathless and pathetic.

“You know, you could have just asked Frostbite to give you a lift.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to ruin his fun times either,” Jack said and looked up ahead, Frostbite and Toothless wrestling at the top of the hill.

“Yeah, they do look like they’re enjoying themselves,” Hiccup said, his words wrapped in a special warmth that was reserved for the dragons. Jack knew, how soft they made him inside. How much he appreciated and loved them.

Jack hummed and put his focus into getting up the hill faster. Fun times were waiting for him at the top.

Despite his lungs refusing to pull their own fucking weight in this breathless mess, Jack grinned when he saw all the Vikings with sleds under their arms and thick winter clothing made of fur and leather. It seemed like the whole village had turned up for the yearly sledding competition. Dragons were tumbling about, playing chase, or dumping snow on unsuspecting Vikings.

“Aaaand we’re late,” Hiccup said, snapping his head towards him and giving him a look that said “see what you did?”

“But it was worth it, right?” Jack said and winked. They were only late, because they’d got caught up in sexy times.

Hiccup looked away from him and bit his lip. Flirting in front of others never ceased to embarrass Hiccup, and it was an endless source of amusement. But Hiccup quickly pulled himself together, much to Jack’s disappointment. However, his fiancé was in Chief-mode now and it was important to look composed.

Fishlegs, Astrid and Snotlout waved to them, bundled up in fur clothing and wearing their dragon racing face paint. Jack shared a smile with Hiccup over their friends’ enthusiasm. The kids of the village were throwing snowballs and building snowmen all around, apparently needing to get some energy out before the sledding started. Jack could relate. It was lucky he had managed to squeeze in some time with Hiccup beforehand.

“Everyone!” Hiccup called out. He didn’t even have to raise his voice a lot to make everyone settle down. The kids stopped playing around, the adults ceased their chattering and even the dragons grew quiet. It always impressed Jack, how his dorky, insecure fiancé could be so authoritative and powerful, when he wanted to. Toothless, Frostbite and Baby Tooth appeared by their sides and Hiccup patted Toothless’ head. “We’re going to get the annual sledding competition started soon!” he said. Cheering and battle cries spread through the crowd. Some even raised their fists or their sleds in the air. “But first, Jack made me promise he would get the chance to suggest another competition before the traditional one!” Hiccup finished and nodded at him.

“So, guys…” Jack said, his eyes sweeping over the Vikings and dragons, savoring the confusion on most of their faces, “I’ve come up with a brilliant game that I think could also become an annual thing! If you’re up for it, that is!” His eyes landed on Astrid and Fishlegs. Astrid shook her head, but her lips curved upwards. She knew what was coming. Fishlegs smiled, but his eyes darted around, like he was excited about the game but also scared to get a stick lodged in his ass. “What I am suggesting is a dangerous sport. A noble sport!” He heard Hiccup snort and he glared at him, because how dared he imply that bare bum sledding was anything but noble? “It will take bravery and strength and willpower! Everything that you Vikings pride yourselves of!” A tension emerged between them all, weaved with anticipation and eagerness. It felt sharp and fresh, like the chilling burn of the snow on your bare skin. The Vikings turned to each other with excitement, shown through quick murmurs and sparkling eyes. “The noble sport I am suggesting… is bare bum sledding!”

Hiccup laughed at his dramatics, while Astrid smiled at him with an eerie confidence, a hand resting on her hip, like this was just another arm wrestling competition.

Jack thrived on the energy flowing through his tribesmen. It was a swarm of bees. A cramping muscle. Jittery, buzzing, waiting for something to settle it down.

“I don’t like the sound of that,”

“I don’t want my ass all frozen off,”

“What if we get frostbite?”

“We could end up with a piece of ice in our asses,”

There were many arguments coming from the crowd. Their reluctance was like the winter berries, sweet and tempting, and he couldn’t wait to crush it between his teeth. He shot Hiccup a grin that felt like freedom on his lips. “You hear that, Chief? Our tribesmen seem to be a bit… scared.”

The collective gasp going through the crowd ranked as one of the funniest things Jack had ever witnessed. The offense was clearly written in their eyes and their open mouths. He noticed the mischievous gleam in Hiccup’s eyes.

“I mean…” Jack continued and shrugged, “I thought you Vikings were supposed to be all strong and fearless.”

Murmurs of outrage came from the Vikings. Some of them even glared at him. Jack knew that if he hadn’t been a part of the tribe, if they hadn’t all loved and accepted him, he would be in real trouble now. Vikings were proud. It was their biggest strength and biggest weakness. It also made them easy to manipulate sometimes.

Hiccup rubbed his chin. “Yeah, I see what you mean. I have to say, guys… I never thought you’d back down from a challenge like this. We have weapons training and oar jumping and dragon racing, but you shy away from your butts getting a little cold? I thought this was the strongest and most fearless tribe in all of the archipelago!”

The effect of Hiccup’s words was immediate. Any hint of doubt and insecurity choked and withered, determination sprouting in everyone’s eyes and mouths.

“It is!”

“We’ll never back down!”

“Tell us the rules of this game!”

“I’ll show you! I’ll win this!”             

“MY ASS IS READY!”

Hiccup looked at him with a crooked smile; one that would have been a bright grin, if it wasn’t because he didn’t want his tribe to think he was mocking them for being won over so easily. “Thanks,” Jack said and nudged his shoulder. “No problem,” Hiccup said, “Go get them.”

“Okay, everyone, listen up!” Jack said and turned his attention to the tribesmen, “The rules of the noble sport of bare bum sledding are these: 1) you can only slide down the hill on your bare bum! No clothes or shoes or anything else to sit on, I don’t want to see _anything_ interfering between your bare bums and that snow! 2) the first one to reach that circle of pine trees by the bottom of the hill wins! 3) No added weight is allowed. That also means no armor, helmets, weapons and dragons! Only your body, clothes and boots! 4) Only adults can participate!”

“Awwww,” several kids said. Some had pouts on their faces, others had eyes that flashed with annoyance. They were clearly not happy about being left out of this new game, even if it was dangerous. Jack didn’t care if it was mean; he savored their disappointment. It reminded him that children’s sense of wonder and adventure was precious. It was colorful seashells that threatened to break in his hands. Folded paper boats on streams of rain water. Unique. Something to be kept safe.

The Vikings began stripping themselves of their helmets, weapons and any other weight that wasn’t allowed in bare bum sledding. The dragons had gleams of interest in their eyes, probably having trouble understanding where this was going. Kids received their family’s weapons and armor and placed them neatly in individual piles.

“You know this is going to end badly, right?” Hiccup said and he had that look in his eyes, that look that spoke of experience, knowledge and an annoying tendency to be right.

He dismissed it with a wave of his hand. “Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, where is your sense of optimism?”

Hiccup scoffed and the air drifted from his mouth and into the sky like a ghost. “My fiancé killed it through a series of weird and potentially life-threatening ideas.”

“Ouch,” Jack said, “He sounds like an interesting guy though.”

“He is,” Hiccup said, turning his gaze on his tribesmen, “He’s amazing… I mean, he thinks he’s better looking than he is but-“

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Jack said and slapped Hiccup’s shoulder, “Hold it, Haddock. I get the feeling this guy is unbearably handsome.”

Hiccup shrugged and didn’t turn his attention away from the other Vikings. “He’s okay.”

Jack bit his lip. That cheeky shit. Why was he marrying Hiccup Haddock again? Oh right… he was amazing in every way, and Jack felt lucky every single day for being with him. Even when he was a brat. “Just okay?” he said, the words wrapped in disbelief.

Hiccup’s hand shot out and grabbed Jack’s collar. He was pulled closer and before he knew it, Hiccup’s lips were on his. The snow crunched, when Jack dropped his sled. Their kisses always made Jack feel like when he’s watching the first snowfall. Hiccup’s lips were warm and soft, like the bubbling heat in his core, when he sees the landscape turn to shimmering white. Their mouths moved together, bleeding with familiarity and filling him with giddiness, the same way snowflakes falling from grey skies breathes air under his skin and makes him feel light. He wanted to dive in, get lost, turn their breathing chaotic like his stuttering heart. He wanted to be buried in Hiccup’s scent and burn in the heat between them, so sharp and perfect in the chilly winter air. Hiccup started to pull away. Jack clamped a hand on his neck and kept him in place. Hiccup hummed into their kissing and it spilled delicious tingling through Jack’s body. Shit. He pressed their lips together harder, trying to show Hiccup what he did to him. His hands roamed all around Hiccup’s back, fingertips pressing into the warm winter coat.

Someone cleared their throat. They pulled away from each other. Gobber’s face was unimpressed, but Jack saw the amusement in his eyes. Hiccup’s breathing sounded just as strained as his own. Finally, he wasn’t the only one with breathing issues. Jack wasn’t even embarrassed. Gobber had walked in on them making out so many times by now that it just felt familiar.

“I hate to interrupt your little… exploration. But I think everyone’s ready to get started, Chief,” Gobber said and patted his bum, while Jack thanked the universe that Gobber hadn’t taken his trousers off yet.

“Thanks, Gobber,” Hiccup said and coughed. His eyes darted over the Vikings, and Jack followed his gaze. Luckily for them, only a couple of people had kept an eye on them, now smiling at them and winking. The groan Hiccup let out was so exasperated, Jack couldn’t control his chuckles.

Hiccup took a deep breath. His embarrassment melted away from his face, and he was back in Chief-mode. “Okay, everyone!” Hiccup called out, and a sudden silence washed over the crowd, “Go to the start marker!”

Jack let out an excited squeal and sprinted to the start, settling down right next to Astrid, Fishlegs and Snotlout. Everywhere, Vikings were preparing to race, thick boots and heavy butts making the snow crack underneath them. Jack was determined not to see anything that would traumatize him, so he carefully avoided looking anywhere near the other Berkians’ bums.

“So, are you ready to get your bare bum kicked, Frost?” Astrid said, with a look of determination on her face. She hadn’t pulled her trousers down yet, and Jack decided to follow her lead.

“I’ll have you know, that you’re the one who’s going to get their butt kicked!” Jack said and gave her his best shit eating grin.

“None of you are going to win, because I am,” Snotlout said and puffed out his chest, “I’ll have you know my butt is the strongest on this island.”

“Always so confident, Snowflake,” Hiccup said, ignoring Snotlout. He plopped down next to them.

Jack’s excitement at seeing Hiccup participate had him gasp so violently, it turned into a series of coughs. “You’re taking part in it!”

“Of course, I am,” Hiccup said and sighed, long and deep, adding that extra dramatic flair he loved to use, “I’m the Chief, I’m expected to participate in all tribe activities… even the stupid ones.”

“You will not regret it! This day, the day bare bum sledding was introduced to Berk, will be spoken of centuries from now!”

“Jack-“

“People will write songs about it! Craft long poems about the bravery of this day! Make artwork of the Vikings of Berk sledding down the hills on their bare asses for the first time, making sure to capture the handsomeness of the founder of the sport, of course!”

“And will these tributes to the noble sport mention that you ended up with a rock in your ass?” Astrid asked.

Jack waved a hand around to dismiss her words. “I know about that bet between Fish and my traitorous fiancé, but I don’t care! No matter what happens to my perfect, squishy butt cheeks, it will be worth it!”

Fishlegs giggled. “Somehow, I doubt you’ll feel that way, when it actually happens.”

Jack slowly turned his head, like a Mafia boss who had just heard one of his men disrespect him. “Are you questioning my ability to endure pain? Because I’m a real badass.”

Hiccup snorted. “Jack, you once spent 20 minutes hissing and wincing after getting a thorn in your toe.”

Jack narrowed his eyes. “Thorns are an exception. They’re evil.”

“Of course, they are,” Hiccup said, “And sharp rocks and twigs and lumps of ice are just peachy, right?”

“Not peachy. Acceptable.”

“I beg to differ,” Fishlegs said, “I once got a sharp twig jabbed in my butt cheek. It hurt like Thor himself had taken a swing at me with Mjölnir.”

“I think you’re exaggerating just a bit, Fish,” Astrid said, her determined look morphing into a fond smile.

“Come back and say that to me, when you’ve tried it,” Fishlegs said and crossed his arms.

“Well, twigs, rocks, whatever,” Snotlout said and patted his own butt. Jack made sure not to look. “A strong Viking butt like mine can handle whatever is hiding under that snow!”

Jack shared an exaggerated disgusted look with Astrid, while Fishlegs rolled his eyes but grinned nonetheless. Hiccup kept an eye on all the Vikings, seemingly waiting for the proper moment to begin the race. Jack let his eyes drift over the long row of Berkians, sitting on the thick snow. Only a few had already pulled down their trousers. Jack had a surge of gratefulness that tunics and furs were hiding things he would rather not see. No one was at risk of seeing each other’s fun zones.

It seemed like everyone was ready to go. Anticipation fluttered in Jack’s stomach, and it was like he could feel the same bouncy eagerness radiating off the others. Maybe it was because Vikings were so competitive. Everyone wanted to win this, even the ones who thought it was a stupid idea to risk getting frostbite on their asses.

“Okay, everyone, get ready!” Hiccup’s voice called out. Vikings everywhere started pulling down their trousers and settling on the snow with naked butt cheeks. Some gasped, some cursed and others tried with all their might to not give a reaction at all. Jack laughed but it was cut short, when his own naked butt touched the snow. “Holy Frostbite, that’s cold,” he said and laughed again, a stuttering, breathy laugh. Speaking of Frostbite, he cast a quick look at his two dragons. They were sitting close by in the snow with Toothless, all three keeping their curious eyes on him and the others. Jack wondered how much they understood of this.

“No shit,” Astrid said and bit on her lip. She was clearly trying to seem like she wasn’t affected, but Jack noticed the way her hands shook just a little. Hiccup, Fishlegs and Snotlout followed suit, pulling down their trousers. Fishlegs let out a high-pitched squeal, when the snow touched his bare flesh, and Snotlout laughed nervously to cover up how cold he felt. Hiccup took a deep breath, when he sat down. His exhale sounded more like a sigh. “Remind me again why I do stupid things like this for you?” he said and gave Jack that deadpan look that always made him laugh.

Jack chuckled. “Because I’m devilishly handsome and unbelievably funny, charming, smart and amazing.”

Hiccup pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Right. It’s so easy to forget, when your obnoxiousness takes up so much of my attention.”

Jack slapped his arm. “How dare you? This means war, Haddock.”

Hiccup bit back a smile. Jack adored how Hiccup so often pretended to be upset with him, when he wasn’t. The way their rude, annoyed façades were an unspoken joke between them, an unspoken show of love. “I hope you get a twig in your ass,” Hiccup said. Before Jack could respond that the only thing he wanted in his ass was Hiccup, his fiancé had gone back into Chief mode. “Okay, everyone, on the count of three, you slide off the edge! May the best Viking win!”

Excited muttering went through the crowd, and the children cheered in the background. They seemed to have gotten over their disappointment. Dragon roars filled the air, and Jack laughed when he saw Frostbite, Baby Tooth and Toothless jump up and down in anticipation like little children.

“One!” Hiccup called out. Jack dug his palms into the snow and prepared himself to push forward. His bum was already going numb. That was probably a good thing. He glanced to the side and regretted his life choices, when he spotted Gobber’s butt. His mind needed acid to burn away that image. “Two!” He looked at Astrid, Fishlegs and Snotlout, who were all focusing ahead, frowns of concentration on their faces. “Three!”

Jack pushed himself forward with as much strength as he could manage. His breath caught in his throat, clued to his windpipe. He slid down the hill, faster, faster, faster. Trees and cliffs blurred at the edges of his vision. His heart was cramping up inside his ribcage, stuttering and convulsing with lovely adrenaline. The sound of whooshing across the snow, the laughter and battle cries of Vikings racing towards the end of the hill, his breathing inside his head. It was beautiful, so beautiful. His body felt light, stripped of heavy flesh full of burdens, infused with afternoon sunlight and bubbles. All around him, Vikings were competing to win, like they hadn’t noticed the way the world had shifted around them. Or maybe it was only to Jack the world had shifted.

They were all sliding down a hill on their bare asses, looking like absolute idiots, laughing like maniacs. It was the sort of stupid thing you needed to do sometimes. The kind of thing that left you with warm, fuzzy memories and good stories to tell. He barely noticed the stinging sensations on his butt, and he was thankful it was already going numb.

Snotlout slid past him with a self-assured grin on his face. “See you later, loser!” he yelled, before he toppled over something hidden in the snow and flew through the air. Jack continued to race down the hill, casting a glance over his shoulder. Snotlout had landed face first in the snow. “Yeah, see you!” Jack shouted and laughed. He heard Snotlout curse. Jack laughed again and savored how it felt in his chest and his stomach, so purifying, electrifying, like the vibrant current in a clear mountain stream. Moments like these were a treasure. He held them close to his heart and eagerly searched for new ones. Some people collected coins or dried up insects. Jack collected moments of unrestrained, untainted joy and freedom. The kind you remember from your childhood, before you started to worry about the future or the state of the world.

“AHH! My ass!” someone shouted from behind them, “Odin, it hurts! What have I done to deserve a fucking stick in my ass cheek!?” Laughter erupted all around.

“Fancy seeing you here!” Hiccup’s voice called out. He had caught up and was sliding next to Jack with a look of pleasant surprise on his face, like they were childhood friends who had suddenly met again by chance in a coffee shop.

“You too!” Jack yelled and his lips stretched into a grin. Hiccup’s wild hair was flapping all around in the wind, and there was something in his eyes, a spark Jack had seen many times before. Relief. Like a prisoner getting out of handcuffs and rubbing his red, raw wrists.

Hiccup looked at Gobber slide past them and laughed at Gobber’s eager shouts. Hiccup’s laughter felt like dripping icicles; clear and bright, melting into Jack’s chest and soothing a burn he never knew he had. Jack had long ago made it one of his life missions to get Hiccup to laugh as often as possible. He had many burdens on his shoulders. Sometimes, Jack was certain Hiccup felt caged, despite his love for his tribesmen. It was his job now to make sure Hiccup’s life was also filled with laughter and smiles and that amazing calm that washes over you after a busy day filled with fun.

“My asshole is freezing straight off!” Gobber called out. Jack could only see his back, but Gobber didn’t sound pained at all, he sounded more amused than anything. Vikings and their fascination with pain. Hiccup just laughed more and this time his nose scrunched in an adorable way that made Jack wish he could reach over and kiss him instead of sliding down a hill on his bare ass. Even if it was his brilliant yet stupid idea in the first place.

“How’s your ass, Chief!?” Astrid yelled, as she raced close to them.

“Fine!” Hiccup shouted, “How’s yours?!”

“Completely numb, can’t feel a thing!” Astrid yelled and grinned. She waved to them as a goodbye, and her face turned focused, like this was more than just a sledding competition, like this was worth winning.

The pine trees ahead grew larger, as the end of the hill came closer and closer. Jack glanced over the Vikings in front of them. Gobber was in the lead, but not by much. Maybe he still had a chance to win this. He lifted his knees up to his chest to center his weight. He picked up speed and left Hiccup behind with a challenging grin. Hiccup flipped him off with a smile on his face. Jack laughed and enjoyed how his stomach tingled from the extra speed. The world had turned to water; colors and sounds flowing together in beautiful swirls, adrenaline and excitement streaming through his veins, filling him with weightlessness.

Astrid was still close, and Jack was hoping to catch her. Gobber might win, but he wanted to at least beat Astrid. He bit his lip and tried to will himself to go faster. She was right there. If he could only catch up. He flew over a bump in the snow. He yelped. Jolts of excitement sliced through him, but he landed right on his butt again. “Woo!” he said and raised his hands into the air, drunk on happiness and relief and life. He could hear Hiccup and a few others laughing from somewhere behind him.

He could almost reach out and touch Astrid’s long, swaying braid now. His cheeks had gone as numb as his ass, bitten red and raw by the winter chill. The wind slapped his skin, and his eyes watered. He had to squint to see Gobber properly, focusing on his back, so he wouldn’t accidentally see that butt of his again.

He came side by side with Astrid. They were almost at the end. Her lips had split into a grin, and Jack knew he preferred her this way. No restraints. No duties. Just the tickling in her stomach and the love of her tribe. Jack opened his mouth to call out to her.

The world spun around. Pain burrowed into him, sharp and sudden. He cried out and rolled down the hill. Snow melted on his face, sliding down in long trails. He groaned and brushed droplets out of his eyelashes. Shit. Fuck. It hurt. What had happened? In the distance, he could hear Gobber’s and Astrid’s voices cheering and laughing, probably enjoying their victories.

“Jack!” he heard Hiccup’s voice call out. The sound of running feet in the snow came closer and closer. Jack rolled onto his back. He hissed when the pain seeped further into his flesh. Why did he have to hurt his ass of all places? In the edges of his vision, shapes shot past him,

“Hey,” Hiccup said, crouching down next to him. Jack knew Hiccup’s worried look very well by now, so he expected it, when Hiccup’s eyes ran up and down his body, searching for injuries. “What happened?” Hiccup asked, a frown of confusion washing away his concerned expression.

“I don’t know, I hit something,” Jack said and rolled over on his stomach.

He was expecting many things. He was expecting it to be less serious than it felt. He was expecting it to be more serious than it felt. He was expecting Hiccup to lecture him or help him up or say something comforting. He was not expecting Hiccup to laugh uncontrollably, clutching his sides like they hurt.

“What?” Jack said, putting all his effort into a deadly glare. He was worried the situation would turn into one of those embarrassing things that would be brought up for the rest of his life.

“You,” Hiccup said, before he burst into another fit of laughter, “You,” he tried again, this time only interrupted by small chuckles, “You have a rock in your ass, just like I said you would!”

Jack stared at Hiccup, waiting for him to say that he was joking. When Hiccup only laughed more at his expression, Jack groaned and hid his face in his hands. Why, oh why, was this happening? He was a good person. Most of the time, at least. He didn’t deserve the suffering that was to come, the endless gloating and humiliation he knew Hiccup would bring down on him. “Bloody hell, I hate you so much,” Jack mumbled into his hands. Hiccup’s laughter continued, but soon died down. Jack felt a gentle hand brush over his back in comforting strokes. “You know…” Hiccup said, his voice sounding regretful, “We’re going to have to remove it, before we go anywhere.”

“Ah, shit,” Jack said and peeked at Hiccup from behind his fingers. There was no humor in Hiccup’s eyes anymore, only sympathy and concern. Hiccup offered him a small smile and Jack returned it. It was best to get this over with. “Uhm… could you just do it then? Quickly, if that’s possible.” Jack glanced around them. All the Vikings had reached the bottom of the hill, so no one was close enough to see exactly what was going on there. They’d be informed later by Hiccup though, Jack was sure of that.

“Sure,” Hiccup said, “Just lie still and I’ll do it as quickly as I can.”

“Thank you,” Jack said and focused on not moving a muscle. He trusted no one more than Hiccup. Hiccup would always take care of him.

“On the count of three,” Hiccup said.

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“One,” Hiccup said. Jack clenched his fists. “Two… Three!”

The pain ripped through his flesh like an axe splitting bark. He cried out and dug his numb fingers into the snow. His breathing was shaky.

“It’s over,” Hiccup said, “Are you okay?” Jack felt Hiccup’s fingers glide through his hair, so careful and soft. The touch said _I’m here. Don’t worry. Everything will be okay_. “Yeah… I’m okay,” he said and looked at Hiccup, “Just not looking forward to all the times this is going to mentioned in the future.”

Hiccup smiled. It was one of those _I love you but I’ll never stop teasing you_ smiles. Hiccup pulled out his wand and used a healing spell. Jack felt the pain lessen and lessen until it was gone. Jack reached out and took Hiccup’s hand, wrapping his numb fingers around it and squeezed.

“We should get down there,” Hiccup said and shot a look at the bottom of the hill. “Yeah, we should,” Jack agreed, “Help me up?”

Hiccup got him to his feet and helped him get his trousers back on. This was going to be humiliating enough as it was, no need to add to it.

Their tribesmen were busy chatting and laughing, not to mention getting warm again after almost freezing their butts off. A fire had been made and the kids and dragons were making their way down the hill to join them. A few Berkians had been injured and were patching themselves up or getting others to do it. Some had scratches and small cuts on their faces, others had them on their asses. People shot him and Hiccup curious looks, some even looked concerned, but they kept to themselves, trusting the Chief to take care of Jack and ask for help if they needed it. Jack did his best to appear nonchalant.

“Hey Frost, what happened?” Astrid said, giving Jack a light punch on the arm. In this moment, she looked soft with her pink cheeks and childish eyes. “One minute you were right next to me, the next minute you were gone.”

Toothless, Frostbite and Baby Tooth came over, their paws crunching the snow. Toothless wiggled his whole body in excitement, and Hiccup laughed and petted his head. Frostbite nudged Jack’s side and Baby Tooth crooned, asking to be picked up. He took her in his arms, and she snuggled into his chest.

 “Yeah, I sort of got injured,” Jack said and shrugged, “It’s a shame… I was really looking forward to beating you.”

Astrid had an excited glint in her eyes. “You wouldn’t have beat me, even if you weren’t injured.”

“Of course, I would have,” Jack said and scratched Baby Tooth’s head, “Just wait and see… I’ll beat you next year.”

“Next year?” Fishlegs said, appearing with Snotlout in tow, “Are you still planning on making this a tradition?” He looked almost frightened at the prospect.

A loud roar drew Jack’s attention. He smiled, when he spotted Stormfly, Hookfang and Meatlug tumbling around in the snow together in a mess of wings, claws and scaly butts. “Uhm, yes? Why wouldn’t I?”

He felt Hiccup’s eyes on him, and he braced himself. “Maybe because you got a rock in your ass,” Hiccup said, not even trying to hide the amusement in his voice.

Astrid, Fishlegs and Snotlout’s laughter cut through the air, loud and sharp. They stared at him with wide, joyful eyes. Only friends could get away with laughing so openly at your pain. Snotlout gave him a little push, before he patted him on the back. Jack found Hiccup’s eyes and tried to send a silent message to Hiccup that said _I want to murder you_. Hiccup pulled him close and kissed him on the forehead, not seeming bothered in the slightest.

“A rock in the ass, priceless,” Snotlout said, in between his laughter.

Jack huffed and struggled out of Hiccup’s grasp. “It was worth it.”

“You say that now,” Fishlegs said, “Just wait until you have to sit down.”

“Aww, I really want to see that,” Astrid said.

“Okay, first of all, Hiccup already healed me. Second of all, what is it with you Vikings and enjoying others’ pain?”

“Oh please, like you don’t do that,” Hiccup said.

“What? I never!” Jack said.

“Oh, really?” Fishlegs said and crossed his arms, “What about two days ago in the Great Hall, when I went to get more salmon, and I tripped and knocked over the table full of food. You laughed your ass off!”

Jack shook his head. “Pssh, I was laughing at something completely unrelated.”

“Sure. And when you burp, it smells like Christmas cookies,” Astrid said, making her eyes comically wide and filled with wonder.

“Well, actually-“

“No, Jack, your burps don’t smell like fried chicken, I’ve told you a million times,” Hiccup said and his eyes flashed with that familiar combination of fondness and exasperation.

“You clearly don’t know what fried chicken smells like,” he said and shot Hiccup a disappointed look.

“I know what your burps smell like, and it’s closer to rotten broccoli than fried chicken.”

“Ouch, Chief,” Jack said and rubbed a hand over his heart, “Just… ouch.”

The sledding competition with actual sleds was a different experience than usual. After a quick healing round, where he, Hiccup, Astrid and Fishlegs healed anyone whose ass or other body parts had become injured, the Berkians’ fighting spirit seemed have been renewed. It was like the bare bum sledding had only encouraged them to fight even harder to win the next competition. Jack wasn’t unaffected either. His embarrassment of injuring his bum and not even beating Astrid made the eagerness seep into his twitching fingers and tapping feet. He needed to do better this time, he thought to himself, when he and everyone else were lined up in a row atop their sleds. The children were allowed to participate this time, and their excited whispers and the shine in their eyes settled around him, soft and gentle like the glow of candles in a dark winter night. It was a tough competition and Jack’s stomach was aching from laughter and adrenaline by the end of it. Bucket was declared the winner, and Jack was proud to get second place. To celebrate, he started a snowball fight that lasted for hours.

The trip back to the village was mostly quiet. He felt like he could inhale the atmosphere around them and keep it in his lungs; the happy tiredness, the aching muscles, the content silence. Wading through the snow had never felt so warm. Most of the children were carried on their dragons’ backs, sleepy smiles on their young faces. He and Hiccup walked alongside Toothless and Frostbite in the back. Baby Tooth slept on Frostbite’s back, light snoring coming from her nostrils. Jack slipped his hand into Hiccup’s and sighed. It was born from a contentment deep within him. One he couldn’t put into words. Hiccup’s hand was warm even without gloves. His green eyes looked at him, soft and tired, like his thoughts had seeped out of him and all that was left were memories of joy and laughter. Jack let the moment stretch on, their eyes and smiles speaking silent words, while the snow creaked under their boots.

“This was a good day,” Jack said and brushed his thumb over Hiccup’s fingers, “I’m glad I managed to get all of you Vikings on board with bare bum sledding.”

Hiccup pursed his lips and it was clearly to suppress a smile. “You’re insane. You’re ridiculous. You’re full of stupid ideas,” Hiccup said and shook his head, “And I love you so fucking much.”

Jack grinned and it felt lovely on his lips. He may have suffered some humiliation and pain today, but he would deliberately get a rock in his ass every day of his life, if it made Hiccup laugh.

Every step in the soft snow, every step closer to the Great Hall, to warmth and food, was a step away from the soft, muted world of winter, a place where they had created another memory for Jack’s collection. Another memory he would wrap in fondness and tuck away in his mind, while he was already searching for the next one.

**Author's Note:**

> Besides the tears and angry screams of my readers (and there are probably none of those regarding this piece, since I, for once, wrote something without angst), comments are my fuel, my sustenance, my motivation. Love you guys. Take care. If you want me to write some HiJack for you, send me a request on Tumblr (username: Aliceversuswonderland).


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